Three months ago the adorable and effervescent Tracey Clark invited me to write a testimony of being enough. I however, have long struggled in writing this piece. Why? Because I don’t feel like I am Enough. At the moment I would say I am a work in progress of trying to accept that I am Enough.
I am an ardent supporter and great cheer leader to others but I do not and have not applied the same support to myself. For many, my exterior conveys I’ve been told enthusiasm, sunshine and generosity- of-spirit. Internally, I am quite in contrast to this at moments. The cerebral part of me accepts that this is doubt and fear raising its ugly and useless voice while the emotional part of me at time falls prey to quickly to self-sabotaging talk, inadequacies in comparisons of my life to others and other small, betraying thoughts that serve no greater purpose.
So today I draw the line in the sand. I have had great courage in reaching out to many of the beautiful, kindred spirits that I have met in on-line world and further established relationships with in the flesh. One reason that I do not have my own blog is the eternal question that has ruminated in my head, “Who would ever want to read my words? What would I have to say of importance? Who do I think I am?” The easy thing is to stay in neutral, to hide in the shadows and minimize your self-worth. The brave thing is to share these thoughts out loud, outlast the inner critic and outlaw the self-imposed exile of mediocrity.
Here are some things to know about me: I’m the proud mother of an adorable five year old boy who is the sunshine in this life, I have experienced a second pregnancy and miscarriage (on my birthday) in the quest for another child for the past four and a half years, I am open to adoption, I went back to school and completed my Masters in Education to teach elementary school. My greatest passions are children, photography and I have these hidden thoughts in the back of my head that I would be a terrific candid children and family photographer. I love with great abandon, laugh until my sides hurt or I snort first. If you tell me a secret it will stay in the ‘vault’ for eternity. I have funds set aside to visit Australia. Swimming has saved my sanity. I bake the best chocolate chip cookies in the Northeast. Summer is my favorite season and I could live in a two piece bikini cargo shorts and flip flops all year long.
So cheers to being brave, leaping into the unknown and hoping the net will appear. I’ve outed my inadequacy in cyberspace. Let the games of goodwill begin and let kindness overflow into my cup too. Someday perhaps I will be a living Loreal commercial look into the mirror and say believably…Because I’m Worth It.
From Patricia Dolan
Thank you for reading this and many thanks to the beautiful Boho girl, Denise Andrade who took my bio photo displayed in this post. I can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com