I was tossing and turning, unhappy and physically uncomfortable in my “current situation”. I asked for this, yet it burdened me. What does this mean? Lacking the precious routine that once ruled my life (and had me in a better place), losing sight of what is truly important because of the web and all I’m involved in – yet feeling without said internet and the relationships I treasure so much on there, I would be even further lost. I’ve had so much on my heart, so much I want to share, but because of my online presence through my business and my blog, I have always chosen silence… I felt restricted and the weight of this felt far too much to bear. It all boils down to caring about what others think. Caring far too much…
I was just in ‘a place’, and in a sense it has been therapeutic to write this because for some reason it feels safe and it feels okay. So much of me wants to share the feelings and struggles I have had (anxiety, and general feeling as though I’m a hurried, rushed mess of a person, not a good enough mom because of my time online, lacking the time and attention for my marriage and friendships offline). So many out there HAVE to feel similarly, right? So many don’t share, they hold it inside allowing it to burn and boil, most likely grasping and reaching for someone, anyone who will understand and get them. Often times I feel as though I just need a get-away, a time to reflect and hopefully bring things in my life back to where they need to be… but alas, as a busy working-at-home mama of two, such getaway is far off.
For years I yearned and struggled to be something I thought I needed to be, from high school, to mommy playgroups, to blogging, to my world in the photography industry. I tried ever so hard to fit into a “mold” that seemed to be already cut for me. I wiggled and moved my hips – it wasn’t fitting and I was exhausted. Over the last few months I’ve been slowly peeling way the layers, revealing a raw and vulnerable Angie underneath. It’s been scary, enlightening, and incredible. I’ve asked myself over. And over. And over again…
Am I Enough?
I fit into so many different ‘categories’, I have friends in low and high places. I struggle, I hurt, I laugh, I cry, I question. I give of myself on a daily basis for my children, my husband, my relationships. I give and I give and I give. Am I enough? What makes one, enough? Is what makes her enough the same that makes me enough?
I did a little personal project recently with my camera and some gorgeous mid-day light, I captured me in a way I’ve never done. A side that is rarely seen. It’s bare and it’s raw, and it’s me. And guess what I found after some time spent on this project?
I certainly AM enough. And it feels so good.
About Angie Warren
Angie Warren is a Starbucks addicted artist who just loves the warm glow of a good sunset, and enjoys early morning snuggles with her two darling boys. Married to her high school sweetheart, she has been on a journey of self discovery since becoming a mother five years ago. Photography entered her world about the same time as that precious newborn and she has been following her dream ever since. A year and a half ago she launched The Creative Mama, a blog about every day living with a touch of creativity. Angie and her family reside in the beautiful Bay Area, California.