I am Enough from Susannah Conway

June 8, 2010

I was having trouble starting this post because, in all honesty, I don’t always feel enough. I’ve often wondered how much easier life would be if I didn’t have chronic perfectionism shadowing my every move, demanding that I measure up to my own (ridiculous) expectations. I believe we are born enough, yet somewhere between birth and today our enoughness gets chipped away as we reject our inner knowing, choosing to compare, ridicule and retreat instead. We refuse to put ourselves ‘out there’ for fear of being found lacking; before THEY get the chance to judge us, we’ve done the job already. 

I lost my partner in 2005 and have spent the last five years on my own, grieving, healing and creating a new life for myself where, with no one else to consider, my point of reference is firmly rooted within me. What was terrifying at first has become a gift, an opportunity to travel through inner landscapes and thoroughly map what I find; at times this has been more disappointing than illuminating, but I embrace it all – the good and the bad, the wise and the foolish. And yet even from this place of healing, I can still doubt my enoughness when faced with a request to teach, or write a book, or – the scariest of all – the thought of dating again. Could I really be enough for another? But in the next breath I know that it’s fear that casts this doubt, and in my experience fear is tamed by being gentle with myself; by letting go of the expectations; by trusting that I know myself well enough to travel at my own speed. And so little by little a book is written, and love will be found again, one day.

I return again to the thought that nobody is perfect, that we can only be what we ARE: unique and gloriously imperfect. I remind myself that I am enough when I try and when I believe. I am enough when I release my expectations and take a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Sometimes my enoughness is an outfit I wear until I find I inhabit the clothes for real; and when I sense perfectionism stalking me I stand my ground and face my attacker: I will do my best, and my best is enough. I Am Enough. And with that I turn back to the page and keep scribbling away at my dream.

………..

About Susannah Conway

Susannah Conway is a photographer, writer and the creator of the Unravelling e-courses. She is currently hard at work on her first book, to be published in autumn 2011, and counting down the days until she returns to her beloved London town. She has a clinical obsession with Polaroid cameras and is very proud to call herself a family-of-one. You can read more about her glorious imperfection on her blog at SusannahConway.com.


36 thoughts on “I am Enough from Susannah Conway

  1. Francesca

    Such a wonderful, powerful piece of writing – Thank you Susannah! So much of what you write resonates with me and this is no exception. So often my own enoughness is something I feel like I am faking until one day (hopefully) it will an effortless truth. It is such a gradual thing.

    Thank you Tracey for creating this beautiful space! I think I’ll be visiting here a lot.

  2. Helene

    So well written and inspiring. I lost my brother 10 years ago – a different kind of love – but I feel much of the same things Susannah has been going through for so long. She put into words what takes me hours to explain to others sometimes so I understand her own struggles to word it all but she did it perfectly.
    Thank you both. I needed to read this today.

  3. jane

    may that stalker of perfectionism be outted for who he really is – a pretender who is all talk and no trousers… you are so enough Suzannah <3

  4. Krista Kruger

    Thank you so much for such brilliant words. They are filled with inspiration and confidence. Deeply touching and intimate.

  5. Lisa@PracticallyIntuitive

    This was just breathtakingly lovely and, as others have said, very authentic.

    I find that great losses can be invitations to look inside us to see what space was opened up as a result. Healing comes, with time, and also new awareness of our life and our path. It takes a lot of courage to look inside and work with what’s there, especially during times where there’s an enormous amount of pain.

    Thank you for sharing your journey, Susannah. Beautifully done.

  6. mindy

    i just love susannah conway. she is such an amazing spirit. so full of wonderful ideas, inspirations and love. i spend lots of time over at her blog and really enjoyed this post. thank you susannah!

  7. Anne L.

    Thank you, Susannah for leading me here and sharing your "enoughness" thoughts! I am really struggling with feeling "enough" right now, and I think this is just what I needed! I’m going to check out the whole project.

  8. Marianne

    This is such a beautiful, powerful initiative Tracey. When I teach Off the Mat yoga courses we spend some time looking at our inner critics, finding what they say to us and then generating our own responses. It never ceases to touch me to see how many people (myself included) have a voice in their head telling them they are not enough. We are enough – we can’t say it too many times. We are enough.

    Susannah is an inspiring role model of someone who is honest about her doubts and fears and yet nonetheless keeps walking boldly in the direction of her dreams.

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