Am I Enough? I Am Enough! This flag banner hangs above my bed as a testament to that idea. I see it when I get up, when I get dressed, when I go to bed. It reminds me to keep believing even when my self-talk tries to fool me otherwise.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve spent my entire life watching from the outside, wanting to be a part of things but afraid. I remember sitting in my bedroom as a child watching the neighborhood kids play together outside. I wanted to join them but my fear of them not liking me, teasing me, me not being enough was too much for me to overcome. I don’t know where that “I am not enough” script came from at that young age but there it was.
Last night I came across an old journal from 2003. Inside, I found the following entry. “I want to share myself with others, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I want to release my fears about not being cool enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough.” Enough, enough, always trying to be enough! It is now 2010 and I fight that battle every day, but I also find signs that I am winning.
I am rewriting my self-talk, and it goes something like this:
I weigh more than I should. I Am Enough.
I am not a good enough daughter to my aging mother. I Am Enough.
I do not have a 9-5 career anymore so people think I’m not working. I Am Enough.
I should exercise more. I Am Enough.
I am a failure because I will never be able to have a child of my womb. I Am Enough.
Flip the script, Jeanne.
I Am Enough because I am “Auntie Jeanne” to all of the children in my life, and someday I may be able to adopt a child of my own.
I Am Enough because I am studying to get my Master’s in Early Childhood Education so that I can influence children to know from the start that they ARE enough, just as they are.
I Am Enough because I take care of my family, friends and loved ones to the best of my ability, while still taking time to take care of myself.
I Am Enough because I make new steps everyday to take care of my body with exercise and healthy foods.
I Am Enough because I continue to share the world I see through my photography and art.
I Am Enough simply because I am.
About Jeanne McGlinchey
Jeanne McGlinchey is a wanderer, a lover of life, of children, of books and words. She continues to fight the battle of “being enough” while taking care of her extended family and studying for her Masters in Early Childhood Education. She loves to capture glimpses of everyday life, and to explore new places near and far. She knows that truth is all around us if we only look. Jeanne shares her view of the world through photography, collage, writing and recipes in her blog Boston Girl on the Verge and in her Etsy shop.