I am enough.
I am struggling with those words. I have struggled with those words for a long time and never realized it. But now, today, it seems to be particularly nagging at me.
My head – that logical side – screams, “Of course, you’re enough! Don’t be ridiculous,” in that certain motherly tone of voice that resounds of my mother telling me to quit being silly and fly right!
But there’s the heart of me that has always wondered – Am I enough? This from the girl that didn’t want more surgery because she couldn’t stand the thought that people wouldn’t like her just as she is. But still the question was there even then – am I enough?
What is enough? Who defines what enough is?
And that is where my struggle starts.
When there’s more month at the end of the money and the cupboard is bare and someone needs new shoes and the car stops working and you’re the one that pays the bills and does the shopping, it’s not enough.
When there’s a deadline you have to meet and someone changes the rules in the middle of the game and a new deadline rears its ugly head and there’s only 24 hours in a day and you’re the one that makes all the stuff work, it’s not enough.
When there’s not an empty corner in the house to curl up in and the bathrooms are full and someone’s gotta go and the walls feel paper thin and there’s just not air to breathe, it’s not enough.
When you don’t have the answers to everything and you’re the go-to-girl and “Mom, I need help with my project,” and “Honey, can we …(fill in the blank)?” and “You’re so creative; you’ll think of something,” am I enough?
And when the sun sets on another day and dinner is done and bed time is nigh and everyone wants just a little attention – including the cat – and there simply is not enough of me to go around (no matter how large my butt is!), am I enough?
In the quiet of the night, when the world sleeps, and dreams come, I realize that even though I am just me – I am just loved because I am just me – and that alone makes me ENOUGH.
12 years ago today I woke up as a new mother. So this is dedicated with all my love to my beautiful baby boy, Logan (who isn’t so little any more!).
About Nancy Barnes
Nancy Barnes is a wife, mother, daughter, grand-daughter, sister, and cat lover. She feeds her creative soul by writing, scrapbooking, paper crafting and occasional needlework. Nancy lives in Phoenix, Arizona with her multi-generational family of 6 adults and 1 tween.