fear of flying

08 Aug fear of flying

One day you’re doing everything that you can to remind yourself to keep walking, feet firmly planted, one step at a time. In totally trust of the gift of gravity.

And then you’re so giddy you’re jumping off the ground, leaving it all behind not caring whether you float or fall and not even thinking it matters much. As long as you are experiencing joy.

But then you spend hours with your head in the clouds, looking down at what’s below wondering, ‘what exactly is it?‘. It could be pillows to break a haphazard tumble. Or a smoke screen that distorts a rock hard landing. Or maybe an ocean? Water to break your fall and keep you buoyant. Or wait…is that the merciless Bering Sea that can swallow you whole without a second thought?

My mind has been playing tricks on me ever since my return from a fantastic trip to NY. I have changed the way I look at things somehow in those days and in the days that followed and it’s keeping clarity out of my reach. I see one thing and then another. I strain my eyes to see reality but it’s no use.

For various reasons I’ve taken some time away from the internet recently. I’m sure it seems like longer than it really has been but it feels like I’ve lost something. Unplugging for a while is good for the soul, this I know to be true as many of you would agree but i think a break is most nourishing when it’s done on our own terms, not by the request of someone else. I just wonder that by taking time away am I weaning myself from something that keeps me imbalanced or cutting a lifeline?

I am petrified to be this high off the ground now without really understanding what is beneath me. What will catch me when I finally let go? I’ll try to enjoy the view from here in the meantime, feet dangling, knowing nothing can ever be as bad as it seems. Can it?