beautifully flawed

beautifully flawed

I had an enlightening conversation with a new friend today. I confessed to her in the first 10 minutes of our call that sometimes I feel like the wizard behind the curtain hoping no one will ever pull it back to reveal the parts of me I still choose to hide. 

I have come a long way in the past 18 months or so, practing self-kindness, allowing myself to be forgetful, to be late, to be wrong, to be imperfect. It hasn’t been easy, but I have been truly happy letting myself off the hook; being OK with being human and knowing that even still, I am Enough.

Today, as my throat tightened and my face flushed with emotion with the thought of revealing the kinds of flaws that are perhaps the most difficult to let show, I was reminded that it is indeed a daily practice, this embracing ourselves, imperfections and all.

My throat feels tight now, even writing these words. That’s how powerful the desire can be to hide what shames us most. It never ceases to amaze me. But, I keep moving forward. I have chosen the road less traveled and I’m not turning back. I, without a doubt, want to tie that dark, heavy curtain back myself. No apologies.

I’m getting there, one day, one crooked step at a time.

24 Comments
  • Mary Ann
    Posted at 10:30h, 24 November Reply

    I am so enjoying your blog, perhaps because I can relate to many of your posts. For me, something about crossing the line at 45 brought the same considerations to me. I am who I am, flaws and all. Its kind of freeing. Thanks for posting this, have a great day.

  • Baye
    Posted at 13:04h, 24 November Reply

    I'm new to your blog. This is a wonderful adventure you are on here! I just might join in.

    Thanks for writing this. I really needed to hear it today.

  • katrina
    Posted at 13:32h, 24 November Reply

    a powerful desire, indeed. thank you for a beautiful post!

  • beth
    Posted at 14:09h, 24 November Reply

    somehow, i understand this completely…..the feelings, the emotions….the throat tightening…..i think most of us do 🙂

  • lifeineden {amy}
    Posted at 14:28h, 24 November Reply

    Oh Tracey, this means so much to me today. After seeing my 365 fall apart, and now failing even at a month of gratitude I'm feeling painfully imperfect. On some level I intellectually know that raising toddler twins and a 7-year-old are challenging enough, without adding the pressures of blogging and contemplating a business. But still, I'm having a lot of trouble practicing self-kindness in my heart lately. Everyone else seems to be doing it all, why can't I? So thanks for sharing and letting us all know that even those who seem to be "doing it all" have these moments too. I can't imagine you have anything to feel shame about. Thank you for building this wonderful community. (((hugs)))

  • marina
    Posted at 14:44h, 24 November Reply

    Tracey, thank you so much for this very brave and moving post!
    I am walking along a similar path of allowing myself to accept more my imperfections and it is so inspiring and so helpful to read your words and find in them not only what I experience but also your courage in keeping walking. I have been living very similar feelings of fear that a curtain could be drawn and my imperfections revealed very powerfully in these last few days.
    I know you only from your blog and shuttersisters, but from what you share here and there, you are enough and you are beautiful.
    thank you, Tracey, thank you so much!

  • Marcie
    Posted at 17:43h, 24 November Reply

    A daily practice. One breath..one day..one step at a time. It's hard to pull back those curtains and reveal all that's hidden…but you're doing it!

  • Marcie
    Posted at 17:43h, 24 November Reply

    A daily practice. One breath..one day..one step at a time. It's hard to pull back those curtains and reveal all that's hidden…but you're doing it!

  • sheri
    Posted at 01:07h, 25 November Reply

    god, i needed this a few weeks ago. and today. god, i needed this today. thanks, tracey.

  • sheri
    Posted at 01:07h, 25 November Reply

    god, i needed this a few weeks ago. and today. god, i needed this today. thanks, tracey.

  • Lisa RedWilllow
    Posted at 02:27h, 25 November Reply

    I have experienced in my life that when I let my imperfections shine though it is when I move forward. Its hard and somtimes I have to really work at it as stubborn as I am but in the end it most times leads me down the a new path or a path I never knew was right before me.

  • Lisa RedWilllow
    Posted at 02:27h, 25 November Reply

    I have experienced in my life that when I let my imperfections shine though it is when I move forward. Its hard and somtimes I have to really work at it as stubborn as I am but in the end it most times leads me down the a new path or a path I never knew was right before me.

  • Phoe
    Posted at 14:38h, 25 November Reply

    This is 100%, absolutely perfect for me today. Thank you and best wishes for your journey.

  • Phoe
    Posted at 14:38h, 25 November Reply

    This is 100%, absolutely perfect for me today. Thank you and best wishes for your journey.

  • Meghan
    Posted at 16:17h, 25 November Reply

    I so totally resonate with this post, Tracey. Thank you for sharing what ALL of us feel when we step into being our human selves, flaws and all. With a tightening in my throat, sending you love. xo

  • Meghan
    Posted at 16:17h, 25 November Reply

    I so totally resonate with this post, Tracey. Thank you for sharing what ALL of us feel when we step into being our human selves, flaws and all. With a tightening in my throat, sending you love. xo

  • rawqueen
    Posted at 17:56h, 25 November Reply

    It takes courage to be the very best you that you can be…

  • rawqueen
    Posted at 17:56h, 25 November Reply

    It takes courage to be the very best you that you can be…

  • shelley
    Posted at 12:10h, 26 November Reply

    Never forget that all you have is all you need
    Blessings on your courage… Godspeed.
    SBB and me

  • shelley
    Posted at 12:10h, 26 November Reply

    Never forget that all you have is all you need
    Blessings on your courage… Godspeed.
    SBB and me

  • Denise
    Posted at 07:35h, 27 November Reply

    Tracey you made me realize, what if our curtains have been closed for so long we don't even realize we are hiding parts of ourselves? Thank you for making me reflect.

  • Janet
    Posted at 03:47h, 28 November Reply

    Beautiful. beautiful. beautiful.

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