15 Jun I am Enough from Allison Czarnecki
I am one of eight children. Eight. I’m number six in the lineup, each of us 2 years apart. Growing up I never got enough. Enough attention, love, time, material comfort, encouragement, help with homework. I was never noticed, I just faded into the background calm and quiet. Mellow, my mother called me. As a teenager I never felt skinny enough, pretty enough, smart enough, good enough at sports. I fell into the pool of mediocrity in every category of my life. Although I played soccer, basketball, volleyball, and was an active rock climber, I never excelled at any of them enough to be a stand out player. Ditto for school, dating, school government, extracurriculars. I’ve struggled my whole life with being enough of anything to matter. Does mediocrity at life count? Will it matter if I cross the finish line in the middle of the pack? The problem is all in the perception. My perception is skewed; I’m lost with my head down, navigating my way through the world making small, almost imperceptible day-to-day decisions about my future, hoping to make some kind of difference. It’s all enough.
I? I. Am. Enough.
I don’t even remember now, only 15 years out, what my grades were like in high school or the names of the girls who were horrible to me, the ones who contributed to what ended up being a long period of anorexia and self loathing that lasted well into college. I don’t remember any of the specific sporting events in high school during which I warmed the bench, or even as a recovering anorexic, what I weighed when I graduated from high school. None of it is relevant. What matters now is that I am enough of a mother, wife, sister, friend, citizen of humanity. I am enough to myself. I am kind, I am fun, I am fiercely loyal, I am fair, I am funny, I am extremely compassionate, I am nurturing. I’m smart, smarter than I give myself credit for. I matter. My contribution to the world right this second matters. You matter too. Whether or not you are enough of anything to any other human being in this world, be enough for you.
About Allison Czarnecki
Allison Czarnecki is a writer, mother, wife, blogger, and entrepreneur. She blogs about family/home/style/travel on her lifestyle blog Petit Elefant, writes a style column for Utah Mama, and frequently contributes to freelance projects involving travel and style. In her nonexistent spare time she coordinates the annual SocialLuxe Lounge which takes place the night before BlogHer. Bio photo courtesy of Justin Hackworth.