I am enough from amy jerke

07 Jun I am enough from amy jerke

Being pregnant is being immersed in a world of mystery. There is a person growing inside of me that I cannot see and it sends me into a state of fear. Suddenly, everything I eat, breathe, drink, and do become more important. I have to protect his little person and pray it will all turn out in the end. While my first two pregnancies were stressful for this reason, there was this part of me that was confident it was all meant to be; therefore, it would turn out okay. And everything did. My third pregnancy was different. The day I found out I was pregnant was the same day I found out I had pneumonia in both lungs. Sadly, my baby, who we named Rosie, died 12 weeks into that pregnancy. The grief and guilt were overwhelming. I thought I must have done something wrong.  I realize now that’s not true…

Now I am 25 weeks into my fourth pregnancy. I have asked myself if what I am doing is enough to keep this baby alive, especially in the first few weeks. Recently, I have started to relax. I accept I am walking a path of mystery. I have to trust it will all be well, that what I am doing IS enough…

 i am enough. 

this pregnant body makes me constantly wonder

am i enough?

am i eating enough protein?

enough fruits and vegetables?

enough of the right foods to grow a baby?

gaining enough weight?

am i resting enough?

sleeping enough?

doing enough for the rest of my family?

taking enough pictures of this pregnant body?

writing enough in the journal about this baby?

preparing enough?

am i thinking enough positive thoughts?

talking to this baby enough?

bonding enough with him/her?

i could drive myself crazy…

today.

i am enough.

i am doing the best i can for this baby.

and that is good enough…

……….

Amy Jerke is a wife/ mother/photographer living in central Missouri. She homeschools her 9 year old son and 6 year old daughter and is expecting her third child in September ’12. She loves photographing children, butterflies, sunsets and anything else that catches her eye, and is continuing to work on loving herself through the art of self portraiture. She also loves vintage hats, cameras, and bicycles, has a huge collection of scarves, and believes wishes do come true. Several of her photos have been featured as the Shutter Sisters One Word Project photo of the day. She is also the food photographer for Perfectly Produce.  You can find her work on her Papillon Sky Photography Smugmug and Flickr pages and on instagram as @papillonsky.