20 Sep I am Enough from Esther Jongste
‘i am enough’
at first sight the saying ‘i am enough’ sounds too pretentious, too overblown to me. and maybe there lies a key.
when i grew up, i was told to be modest, self-effacing, gracious, and polite. not in a bad way, but in a good way. i think there is nothing wrong with ‘being modest’. it is a good quality to own in life.
but maybe i took it too serious. ‘being modest’ came in place of: the other is always the best. and somehow it made me feel ‘i am not good enough’.
deep inside you want to be the best, but because i was told ‘to be modest’ is the best, i became the best in ‘being modest’.
it turned out i had problems to succeed. a talented girl with problems to succeed. i already discovered i could do things talented, but because i thought, you can *think* ‘you are the best’, but there will always be someone doing (much) better.
in that case, some people become more motivated to be the best, not me. it made me less eager to work or study. i had problems to finish something i started. that became very unsatisfactory and it made me disappoint myself and others.
i grew up within a warm family. loving father and mother. sisters and brothers who were like sisters and brothers. i had enough friends and i think i was happy most of the time. i had my questions, but i felt always save and warm.
my parents teached us of a God, who is our loving father, who cares for us. even stronger, who cares for me. they believed it with whole their heart and so did i. i still do.
i was told, he believes in you, he created you and you are special, very special.
i believed it.
especially for everyone else, but it was hard to believe it was true for me. i think i didn’t felt as the best.
but some day. someone told me, it isn’t necessary to *feel* in the first place. it is more important that you *know* it is true. it became the key to open up my heart to beginning to believe, maybe, i am enough.
second was the fact, that the stunning, funny, handsome, special, one of a kind boy, i met, believed in me. it took me a long time to realize he was more than serious when he told me he choose me above all other girls to spend his life with me.
becoming a mother was another thing in life that made me realize that unconditional love really existed. there was a better understanding my heavenly father loved me, no matter how or what.
basically these facts were the beginning of me learning to be less modest and allowing myself sometimes being the best.
even more, deep inside there is this strong conviction: i am special, very special. so special; there are things in this world, which can only be done by me.
sure that makes you one of a kind
and even better
more than enough.
esther jongste. born and raised in the netherlands. child, wife, mother, sister, friend to … dear parents, lovely man, amazing children, irreplaceable brothers and sisters, and many sweet friends. is a passionate photographer who loves to be skilled in image editing. always interested in ordinary daily life and the specialty about it. adores colors, shapes, rhythm, light, shades and all their mutual effect on each other. loves being surrounded by all who are dear to her. enjoys music in all type of styles. has a talented taste for good food. dreams of creating pieces of art that touches or, at least, making a difference.