16 Nov I am Enough from Eydie Kugler
When I first stared at the words, “I AM ENOUGH”, I saw three words that when woven together in this sequence, were very overwhelming for me. “I am enough” illustrates a sense of wholeness, confidence, self-love, contentment, success, and acceptance. “I am enough” is what we all aspire to be.
As I continued to stare at these words, the letters began to dance around in my head like scrabble tiles as they assembled the question that I ask myself all too often, “AM I ENOUGH”? This question magnified the doubt, lack, disappointment, intimidation, and every other feeling of inadequacies I have known.
Some of these feelings came up for me when I began to write this piece. How could I possibly be seen here within this collaboration of stories written by such amazing, talented, brilliant and courageous women? Did I really believe that I am good enough?
As I took a deep breath and exhaled these feelings, I yearned to surrender to my authentic voice so that I could empower my pen to write this piece.
During this process, the first voice I heard within me was the child who mumbled the bits and pieces from her memories of wanting to please others… of trying so hard to be a “good girl“… waiting for approval …being the older sibling who should ”know better,” …and being told when and how to feel.
Next, I heard the rebellious teen as she slammed the door behind her. Remnants of “you don’t follow directions… you don’t pay attention… and you don’t apply your self in school” still echoed in her head. So, she just went along and applied herself in other places. Some good… some not so good.
Both the child and the teen spent many days and nights in the strawberry pink and lime green bedroom flipping through and examining every teeny bopper, seventeen, cosmo, and all of the other glossy filled magazines of the “how tos” and “do nots” of how she should live her life. Even with all the expert advice, she wanted so much to believe that she too could have less break-outs and clearer skin, shinier hair with less split ends, less bloating and lighter periods, get invited to more parties, get better grades, be more popular in school, and capture the heart of that really cute and cool guy. She wanted so much to be one of those pretty, slim, perfect, social and happy girls who existed in those magazines. But, the reality was, she could never be one of those girls. She just wasn’t enough to live up to the impossible and unrealistic portrait of what others have painted for her.
Today, when I hear that voice, am I enough? I ask myself, “whose voice is talking to me? Who is making me feel afraid…lonely,,,small? Is it my voice? My parents? Teachers? The voice of the media?
And as I evolve, the story that was created for me also evolves. Some of it true, and some still not so true … and at some point I realized that most of the beliefs I carry are not mine. They have been passed on to me. Today, I know I can rewrite my story by simply releasing outdated and self-limiting patterns and beliefs, so that I can continue to move towards my greatness, my light, my authentic self.
It’s when we shift our negative beliefs into positive ones; we can swim out of the shallow, mucky, waters and navigate past the waves, and go deep into the clear sparkles of our authenticity. And as we become more of who we are, we can propel past our fears and take action. We can excavate ourselves out from
being stuck in the observer mode and into the role of an active participant …we are able to free ourselves so that we can be more of our self.
And as I continue to release myself from judgment, fear, doubt, and distractions, and into self-love and acceptance, I bring more joy, more love and more light into the essence of my being.
And here are the beliefs I embrace today
*The best way to feel good about myself is to complete something that I have been avoiding and putting off.
*Words are powerful ~~ When I eliminate the should haves, would haves, and could haves, I stay strong in my power of NOW
*Every compliment deserves a “THANK YOU”. A compliment is too precious to be minimized. It must be owned.
*That perfect haircut will not change my life, and lipstick will not complete me.
Being authentic is knowing how to say “YES” when I want to and “NO” when I mean to.
*Everything may not be completed, and some things may never get started. Life is an ongoing process. And, I continue to strive to be at peace with that.
*I can look within myself for messages, guidance, direction, and answers, and I know that at anytime I can “rewrite” my story.
And, as I look at myself in the mirror today, I mean, really look at my self, not at the flaws, or the things that need to be plucked or fixed, I watch my lips move, and I hear the words as they reflect back to me…
I am enough.
About Eydie Kugler
As a writer, artist, and “manifestarian”, Eydie Kugler believes that the very essence of her life experiences are all happening because of the thoughts she thinks and the stories she tells.
Eydie lives life in full color in suburban Chicago with her supportive husband, inspiring daughter, and playful dog. She is usually found playing with paint, felt, fabric, beads and her daughter, Sage. You will also find her leading Self Expression Workshops, and Artsy Goddess gatherings designed to empower women to explore their authentic selves by living a life full of possibilities.