I am Enough from Imene Said-Kouidri

I am Enough from Imene Said-Kouidri


There was a time when I was confidant.

I remember it.

A time when I looked at the mirror and liked my reflection.

A time when my creations were worth showing.

A time when my inner critic was not there.

A time when I loved myself.

Then High school happened. I had skipped two grades by the time I reached High School. I was always the youngest in class and I was studious. Bookish. I wasn’t in the popular group. I loved books and I liked being an A student. Not really a cool student material. That’s what I wanted. That’s when I started to hear it, the little voice, the inner critic: You don’t look good enough, your clothes are not good enough, your art is not good enough…..

I started to search for ways to quiet the voice. Maybe being the best at what I do would keep it quiet. Maybe being a people pleaser would keep it quiet. Maybe if I met “the” guy I would feel more confidant. I tried different ways but still it came back over and over ruining the best moments and leaving me in tatters. 

I allowed myself to be dragged to dark places. I wallowed in all things negative, everything I thought I did wrong. Apologizing profusely for things I thought were my fault. The hardest part was that it is a silent battle. Me against myself. It is not something I could share with anyone. What if they thought I was flawed, what if they left me. I wasn’t enough…

I then became a mom to three wonderful children. I started thinking that I wasn’t good enough as a mother. I was afraid. I didn’t want to ruin them or scar them for life. I surrounded myself with books hoping to find the recipe to being a good mom. The more I read, the more confusing it got. Slowly I started trusting myself. Maybe I wasn’t so bad after all.

Four years in my mothering adventures, I started reading blogs. One blog leading to the other I stumbled upon a book by Brene Brown. I read and I cried. I realized how many women out there are struggling with the same issues. I WASN’T ALONE!!!

That was almost three years ago. I since started a blog. I write one hour every day. I gave myself the time to explore my passion for photography. I knit and sew. I even found the courage to start painting again. A month ago I started my home-based business. We all have a set time on earth, we can’t decide how long it will be but we can decide how to spend it. I decided to enjoy it.

Writing this I realize how easy and straightforward it sounds. It is not. I still have “not enough” moments but I recognize them for what they are and I embrace them. Then I let them go.I don’t love myself yet, we’re still in the dating process.

I watched “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” a little while ago and I wrote down this quote:

“ For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. “

Everyday I try to make the best of it.



About Imene Said-Kouidri

I am Imene. I used to be many things daughter, sister, wife, financial analyst. I stayed home with my three beautiful children and for a while I didn’t know who I was. Through blogging and photography I have found myself. I am me. Photographer, writer,reader and curious mind. 
  • Cheri
    Posted at 23:59h, 09 December Reply

    this is beautifully written and I can definitely relate to much of it. I am so glad you found yourself!

  • tracy
    Posted at 00:34h, 10 December Reply

    this is beautiful! and I love the quote from Benjamin Button! thank you for sharing this!

  • Imene
    Posted at 04:19h, 10 December Reply

    Thank you so much for letting me part of your wonderful collaborative blog. I feel honored

  • Trish
    Posted at 16:34h, 10 December Reply

    I am on the verge of tears! What a beautiful blog post. I most certainly speak your language. My essay appears on the October 26th posting. Bravo! You have done a terrific job by writing this testimony!

    A huge hug to you,

  • Elizabeth
    Posted at 19:54h, 10 December Reply

    Thank you for sharing this…..I wish we could sit down and have lunch. You are not alone and I also
    feel like I'm not enough (especially when it comes to parenting)….but I try. Everyday I try to do and be
    different, I try to be enough.

  • Angela
    Posted at 23:56h, 10 December Reply

    So beautifully and mindfully written Imene. I can relate to ALL of it! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself! You are more of an inspiration than you know! xoxo, Angela

  • Nicola @ Which Name?
    Posted at 16:03h, 11 December Reply

    Beautifully said, Imene.

  • Jennifer
    Posted at 16:31h, 12 December Reply

    what a beautifully written post. Imene…you are enough. And through your writing I can see that you are filled with so much.

  • gkgirl
    Posted at 20:27h, 12 December Reply

    i needed to read this right now…in so many ways.
    thank you for sharing it.

  • Valarie
    Posted at 01:24h, 14 December Reply

    It is so wonderful to find you here Imene. I love your poignant words, lovely photos, and the special person that you are.

  • Michelle McGee
    Posted at 04:40h, 01 January Reply

    I feel a bit exposed…as if you have just written a piece about me. I am beginning to realize that, for all those years I felt alone, I was surrounded by other people who felt the same way. It's startling to me how quickly we learn to doubt ourselves and how difficult it is to let that go. I struggle with it daily. The voice is still there but it's more like a whisper than a scream. My kids have helped to ground me and keep me real. More than anything though my oldest, who has Tourette Syndrome and OCD has taught me so much about what it means to accept who you know you are, not who society might decide based on stereotypes and ignorance. He has been my greatest teacher. He has taught me that I am enough.

    Great post! Thank you for sharing.


  • Dana @ Bungalow'56
    Posted at 20:06h, 07 January Reply

    Dear Imene,
    This post is far more truthful than I ever let myself be. You have put into words what so many women feel. Thank you for a glimpse. This piece reminded me of a post I just read on a completely different topic but in some ways it touched on the same idea. The author showed a picture of her grade seven self, and how she is still in there but not to let her be in charge.

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