07 Jan Today’s Forecast
Starting a new year isn’t always this tricky. In fact, I recall in years past that I have felt ready, eager and even excited to begin another chapter of life. But, so far, this year doesn’t feel like any of those. At least not right now. I don’t think its big news that I have felt a little unsteady on my feet—on and off—for a while now. Middle age can be wonky. That’s certainly not to say there’s not totally awesome things about it. There are. But wonky means wobbly, dodgy, askew. In other words, weird…even amidst the highlights.
What worries me—when I’m feeling particularly heavy hearted—is how long it might take before it lifts. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling such apprehension about 2015. I just don’t know what to expect, and on so many levels, things look foggy. On the contrary, there are plenty of things I can see clearly: my daughter committing to a college of her choice, her High School graduation, her packing up and moving out to attend said college. All of which are big, huge, monumental things. So, maybe this uneasiness is coming from what I do know even more than what I don’t know. It could be. Regardless, I’m not even sure if the ‘why’ is even as important as the ‘how’ at this point.
How am I going to press on when I’m feeling wobbly? How will I trust the future when it can be dodgy? How will I balance things when they are askew?
It’s difficult, when you’re an eternal optimist to admit feeling less than optimistic. But, I’ve done it before and I’ve found that there are so many people feeling the same which of course, is always such a comfort; the knowing you’re not alone. Especially when you’re navigating particularly stormy skies and unpredictable weather patterns. I’m also taking refuge knowing, from experience that there are always silver linings to be discovered. So, I will keep on keeping on, like I know I can, even if I don’t always feel like it. Even when I’m unsure, in doubt, sad, scared or bone-tired. I’ll go easy on myself, I’ll surround myself with people I love, I’ll reach out, I’ll talk about it, I’ll be honest, I’ll cry, I’ll laugh, I’ll take pictures, I’ll create, I’ll be grateful, I’ll walk. One foot in front of the other. But I think it’s best to carry an umbrella, you know, just to be safe.