07 Jan Today’s Forecast
Starting a new year isn’t always this tricky. In fact, I recall in years past that I have felt ready, eager and even excited to begin another chapter of life. But, so far, this year doesn’t feel like any of those. At least not right now. I don’t think its big news that I have felt a little unsteady on my feet—on and off—for a while now. Middle age can be wonky. That’s certainly not to say there’s not totally awesome things about it. There are. But wonky means wobbly, dodgy, askew. In other words, weird…even amidst the highlights.
What worries me—when I’m feeling particularly heavy hearted—is how long it might take before it lifts. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling such apprehension about 2015. I just don’t know what to expect, and on so many levels, things look foggy. On the contrary, there are plenty of things I can see clearly: my daughter committing to a college of her choice, her High School graduation, her packing up and moving out to attend said college. All of which are big, huge, monumental things. So, maybe this uneasiness is coming from what I do know even more than what I don’t know. It could be. Regardless, I’m not even sure if the ‘why’ is even as important as the ‘how’ at this point.
How am I going to press on when I’m feeling wobbly? How will I trust the future when it can be dodgy? How will I balance things when they are askew?
It’s difficult, when you’re an eternal optimist to admit feeling less than optimistic. But, I’ve done it before and I’ve found that there are so many people feeling the same which of course, is always such a comfort; the knowing you’re not alone. Especially when you’re navigating particularly stormy skies and unpredictable weather patterns. I’m also taking refuge knowing, from experience that there are always silver linings to be discovered. So, I will keep on keeping on, like I know I can, even if I don’t always feel like it. Even when I’m unsure, in doubt, sad, scared or bone-tired. I’ll go easy on myself, I’ll surround myself with people I love, I’ll reach out, I’ll talk about it, I’ll be honest, I’ll cry, I’ll laugh, I’ll take pictures, I’ll create, I’ll be grateful, I’ll walk. One foot in front of the other. But I think it’s best to carry an umbrella, you know, just to be safe.
Diane ShireyPosted at 04:24h, 11 January
I totally relate to this post. This was me 5 years ago, and it continued for a couple years. Photography, and photo blogs saved me. Learning to focus of taking photos of things that make me happy and finding joy in a new kind of life, photography helped me with that too. Reading others photo blogs, taking a class from you at BPC, these were all things that helped me so much to realize that I have a full life even though my children had all moved out, my parents & in-laws were gone There is still so much life and adventures to be had. Thank you for posting and being so open. You will get through this.
TraceyPosted at 02:55h, 12 January
Diane, thank you so much for your comment. Photography is indeed a creative tool of self-exploration and joy! I appreciate that reminder and your kind words. xo
SamanthaPosted at 20:36h, 13 January
Thank you for writing this post. I feel the same way. Knowing that someone has the same apprehension for the new year is reassuring. I know as the year progresses things will get easier and be replaced by new experiences.
TraceyPosted at 20:40h, 13 January
I really appreciate your comment, Samantha. And yes, here’s to our new experiences!
Naomi HattawayPosted at 10:46h, 23 January
ALL of my 2014 was wobbly. I completely understand your need to carry the umbrella because at any point, we can choose to peek out from underneath it.
It’s hard when children leave our homes … I pretended for years that it would be no big deal, but the reality is, it’s gutwrenching and awful and at the same time, exciting and liberating. Parenting doesn’t ever end, does it?
Here’s to a 2015 that educates, surprises and delights!
TraceyPosted at 17:42h, 23 January
Indeed Naomi! Thanks for your support and love.
Kathryn S.Posted at 17:23h, 15 March
Yes, this. You’re not alone and I am glad to know I’m not walking alone either. xo.