11 May I am Enough from Angie Warren
I was tossing and turning, unhappy and physically uncomfortable in my “current situation”. I asked for this, yet it burdened me. What does this mean? Lacking the precious routine that once ruled my life (and had me in a better place), losing sight of what is truly important because of the web and all I’m involved in – yet feeling without said internet and the relationships I treasure so much on there, I would be even further lost. I’ve had so much on my heart, so much I want to share, but because of my online presence through my business and my blog, I have always chosen silence… I felt restricted and the weight of this felt far too much to bear. It all boils down to caring about what others think. Caring far too much…
I was just in ‘a place’, and in a sense it has been therapeutic to write this because for some reason it feels safe and it feels okay. So much of me wants to share the feelings and struggles I have had (anxiety, and general feeling as though I’m a hurried, rushed mess of a person, not a good enough mom because of my time online, lacking the time and attention for my marriage and friendships offline). So many out there HAVE to feel similarly, right? So many don’t share, they hold it inside allowing it to burn and boil, most likely grasping and reaching for someone, anyone who will understand and get them. Often times I feel as though I just need a get-away, a time to reflect and hopefully bring things in my life back to where they need to be… but alas, as a busy working-at-home mama of two, such getaway is far off.
For years I yearned and struggled to be something I thought I needed to be, from high school, to mommy playgroups, to blogging, to my world in the photography industry. I tried ever so hard to fit into a “mold” that seemed to be already cut for me. I wiggled and moved my hips – it wasn’t fitting and I was exhausted. Over the last few months I’ve been slowly peeling way the layers, revealing a raw and vulnerable Angie underneath. It’s been scary, enlightening, and incredible. I’ve asked myself over. And over. And over again…
Am I Enough?
I fit into so many different ‘categories’, I have friends in low and high places. I struggle, I hurt, I laugh, I cry, I question. I give of myself on a daily basis for my children, my husband, my relationships. I give and I give and I give. Am I enough? What makes one, enough? Is what makes her enough the same that makes me enough?
I did a little personal project recently with my camera and some gorgeous mid-day light, I captured me in a way I’ve never done. A side that is rarely seen. It’s bare and it’s raw, and it’s me. And guess what I found after some time spent on this project?
I certainly AM enough. And it feels so good.
About Angie Warren
Angie Warren is a Starbucks addicted artist who just loves the warm glow of a good sunset, and enjoys early morning snuggles with her two darling boys. Married to her high school sweetheart, she has been on a journey of self discovery since becoming a mother five years ago. Photography entered her world about the same time as that precious newborn and she has been following her dream ever since. A year and a half ago she launched The Creative Mama, a blog about every day living with a touch of creativity. Angie and her family reside in the beautiful Bay Area, California.
Amie HansenPosted at 15:06h, 11 May
thanks for sharing your thoughts and soul. I too feel this way with my own relationships.. am I enough is the question?
Rachel ClarkePosted at 15:07h, 11 May
Thank you so much for sharing Angie, I fall into this a bit too often wondering if I too am enough. I read this book called "Linchpin" and one of my favorite things I learned from that book is to enjoy the silence. Just sit and think, and be in thought.
Amy ParsonsPosted at 15:13h, 11 May
You wrote what I’ve been also feeling for years. There isn’t enough of me to go around and I feel I am lacking in so many areas. I really needed to read what you wrote and I am going to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask myself the same question…..when I catch a minute to myself. Thank you for writing this. It was perfect.
KristiPosted at 15:28h, 11 May
Beautiful, Angie! I love these photos too.
AndreaPosted at 15:58h, 11 May
Beautifully written and please know you are not alone my friend, you are not alone. xoxo
lifeinedenPosted at 16:04h, 11 May
oh so true. and for me at times it is worse as a SAHM, but former professional. people often question — how can I be happy, satisfied, whole? don’t they realize I ask myself that? but that, for me, overextending myself further would only strain me more. it can be hard enough to question your own circumstance but have others do the same is frustrating to say the least. reaching out to my online community can sometimes erode the time I need at home, but without it I think I would lose my sanity! 🙂
balance will come, and balance is what you make it.
JennyBPosted at 16:27h, 11 May
You are amazing! Love how you can put feeling into words. Thanks for sharing it with us:)
denisePosted at 16:46h, 11 May
a beautiful, honest glimpse inside someone else’s mind is a truly transparent gift. thank you.
denisePosted at 16:47h, 11 May
and, BTW, these photos of you are stunning. (as are you!)
JessicaPosted at 20:43h, 11 May
just had to come back and re-read. i just love what you wrote …
mindyPosted at 02:01h, 12 May
as a stay at home mom i am constantly wondering if i am enough. it feels like i am not. i am drowning every day in the household chores, in the little things, like the piles of "stuff" that is always around. i know that my hubby isn’t happy living in a messy house, but often there is not enough of me to go around and the house stays messy. then of course, as soon as i clean it, my boys get home from school and once again a bomb has gone off. and i look around and wonder…. am i enough? is what i do enough? is my contribution to the household enough?
AnnGeeDeePosted at 18:24h, 12 May
So very true and so eloquently written. Thank you for saying it out loud. From one Angie to another…
Shana RaePosted at 20:16h, 12 May
Angie… so beautifully written & captured. I am going through this as well… it’s so hard for me to find balance. I’m always searching for it & it never comes. Perhaps I am too hard on myself. Thanks so much for sharing this… ♥
ajiraPosted at 04:16h, 22 July
I read this way back when and came back to it today and still it touches, moves, inspires me. I am still wrestling with this question. And have yet to find the answer. Would love to hear more about how you've been doing this exploration and where are you now with it, Angie?
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