i am enough from cheri andrews

12 Apr i am enough from cheri andrews

This is me. No makeup, messy hair, flushed and sweaty from the gym.  I am much more comfortable now with the face I see when I look in the mirror. Just like this, I am enough. I am worthy of love, respect, and appreciation. Sometimes I forget that I am worthy. This me can easily lose her sense of self, becoming the person anyone else needs of her at the moment. This me sadly settles for being the doormat everyone uses but no one seems to appreciate. This me can be bold, honest, even brash, trying to be heard above the crowd, to have a voice. Yet this me fears rejection and desperately seeks approval. This is the real me.

This is me. A little makeup, hair neatly brushed into place, a softer version of the bold me who doesn’t like being stepped on. Just like this, I am enough. This me strives to be patient when patience isn’t easy. This me yearns to learn, grow, share, be heard, feel gratitude, practice kindness, love without hesitation, make a difference, and leave the world a better place than she found it. This me wants to free her creative spirit without fear of ridicule, and be accepted as the real artist she was born into this world to be. This is the real me.

I was struck as I thought about “Who is the real me?” by the dichotomy I saw in myself. One minute bold, brash, ready to change the world, the next timid, hesitant, afraid of rejection and ridicule. The play of self-assuredness against self-doubt. The willingness to be out there and be real versus the serious longing to hide behind anonymity.

I feel certain, deep down in my bones, that this is a universal human experience. That we all come to grips with who we are and what our purpose in the world is at different times and in different ways. I’m still struggling, still figuring it out. Still trying to remember that I am worthy even when my immediate world is telling me in no uncertain terms that I am only the doormat I don’t want to be. I know I am so much more than that.

I’m beginning to find the courage to acknowledge the artist in me. To not allow myself to be held down and held back by others who don’t see that beauty, that yearning, that spirit. The brash me wants to go shout it from the rooftops and mountain tops – I AM ENOUGH!!! I AM AN ARTIST!!! 

But I’m only just beginning to find that courage. I’m still protecting that tender and tentative artist in me. I’m afraid in so many ways to expose her to those I am closest to – afraid that they won’t understand, or worse yet, that they will scoff and call her silly. Which would undoubtedly send her right back into hiding.

She’s coming out to play here, in this virtual world where she feels safe and secure, where only friends with kind hearts and open minds come to visit.  In a way it is sad that she feels more secure here than she feels in her real-world environment.  But I know you will understand. Some of you may even relate. She sees you here.  She appreciates your love and your understanding and offers it back in kind.  Here, we can all shout “This is the REAL Me!”

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About Cheri Andrews

Cheri Andrews is a work-at-home attorney, wife, and mother of three teen/young adult daughters.  When she isn’t busy reviewing contracts, hitting the gym, chauffeuring, cooking, and various other domestic goddess responsibilities, she loves to dabble in photography and scrapbooking, take online courses, read great books, and continue her journey of self-discovery.  Cheri blogs at Scrap Dreams and loves to have new visitors!