29 Mar I am enough from hannah mayo
What will I say…? Who was I to think that I should be writing on this topic? And there I was, even as I contemplated what to share with you about how I am enough, I wondered if my words would be… enough.
I have not arrived. I am on a journey of enoughness.
As far back as my memory reaches, I have been on this journey. Like so many of us, I was a little girl who desperately wanted to be enough for her daddy. From there my life became a chain of again and again looking for the approval of other people to determine my self-worth. I developed a fear of disappointing those around me, along with an assumption that I almost always did. It was a poisonous combination.
My inner monologue of self-criticism has always been there- a live stream reminding me that I am not good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, experienced enough, selfless enough, poised enough, organized enough, patient enough, thin enough, outgoing enough, creative enough… you get the idea. All of this, while also striving to appear “confident enough” on the outside. Continuously holding myself to such impossibly high standards was so mentally and emotionally exhausting, and damaging to the relationships in my life. At times I became physically ill from the toxicity of the way I felt about myself.
But that is only part of my story. It is the negative part of my journey of enoughness, but there is a positive part as well. I wish I could tell you that there was a spectacular moment of awakening that changed my life forever, but it has been much more gradual than that. Through people I met, things I read, time I spent in solitude getting to know myself better, I began I see that my worth is not from the opinions of other human beings. I came to realize that I am not the only one who has struggled with this- that in fact nearly everyone has, and that they are not judging me as I always imagined. When one day on the internet, I came across this collaborative, my eyes welled with tears.
The last few years of my life have been a series of healing steps.
I left behind the “safe” and “smart” career choice and pursued making a living from what I love to do. I chose to believe that I am enough as an artist and entrepreneur.
Becoming a mother changed that way I looked at my physical self. I could no longer berate the body that nurtured and gave life to my perfect little boy. The shift in perspective caused me to want to treat my body with respect and keep it healthy. I begun to really believe that I am strong enough, feminine enough- even beautiful enough.
My compassion for other women has grown tremendously, as I now see each one as a sister. We are all bound together by common insecurities that have so sadly become part of the female psyche. I have such a desire now to remind each of you that you are beautiful, creative, and unique. You are amazing.
You are enough.
I am enough.
That is the new inner monologue I hear. It becomes stronger and louder as my journey continues. One day I hope that it will drown out all of the negativity and criticism, and I will believe it with 100% of my heart.
About Hannah Mayo
Hannah is a photographer and writer who loves to capture and share the beauty she sees in the world. She shares her thoughts on life, motherhood, and photography on her blog, Seeking Equipoise. Her wedding and lifestyle photography can be found at hannahmayophotography.com, and her fine art prints in her Etsy shop. She is also a collaborator at The Creative Mama. Hannah lives in South Florida with her husband and son.