26 Oct I am Enough From Patricia Dolan
Three months ago the adorable and effervescent Tracey Clark invited me to write a testimony of being enough. I however, have long struggled in writing this piece. Why? Because I don’t feel like I am Enough. At the moment I would say I am a work in progress of trying to accept that I am Enough.
I am an ardent supporter and great cheer leader to others but I do not and have not applied the same support to myself. For many, my exterior conveys I’ve been told enthusiasm, sunshine and generosity- of-spirit. Internally, I am quite in contrast to this at moments. The cerebral part of me accepts that this is doubt and fear raising its ugly and useless voice while the emotional part of me at time falls prey to quickly to self-sabotaging talk, inadequacies in comparisons of my life to others and other small, betraying thoughts that serve no greater purpose.
So today I draw the line in the sand. I have had great courage in reaching out to many of the beautiful, kindred spirits that I have met in on-line world and further established relationships with in the flesh. One reason that I do not have my own blog is the eternal question that has ruminated in my head, “Who would ever want to read my words? What would I have to say of importance? Who do I think I am?” The easy thing is to stay in neutral, to hide in the shadows and minimize your self-worth. The brave thing is to share these thoughts out loud, outlast the inner critic and outlaw the self-imposed exile of mediocrity.
Here are some things to know about me: I’m the proud mother of an adorable five year old boy who is the sunshine in this life, I have experienced a second pregnancy and miscarriage (on my birthday) in the quest for another child for the past four and a half years, I am open to adoption, I went back to school and completed my Masters in Education to teach elementary school. My greatest passions are children, photography and I have these hidden thoughts in the back of my head that I would be a terrific candid children and family photographer. I love with great abandon, laugh until my sides hurt or I snort first. If you tell me a secret it will stay in the ‘vault’ for eternity. I have funds set aside to visit Australia. Swimming has saved my sanity. I bake the best chocolate chip cookies in the Northeast. Summer is my favorite season and I could live in a two piece bikini cargo shorts and flip flops all year long.
So cheers to being brave, leaping into the unknown and hoping the net will appear. I’ve outed my inadequacy in cyberspace. Let the games of goodwill begin and let kindness overflow into my cup too. Someday perhaps I will be a living Loreal commercial look into the mirror and say believably…Because I’m Worth It.
………..
From Patricia Dolan
Thank you for reading this and many thanks to the beautiful Boho girl, Denise Andrade who took my bio photo displayed in this post. I can be reached at patriciadolan@comcast.net or patriciadolan10@gmail.com
Julia
Posted at 22:45h, 26 OctoberHere's to drawing that line in the sand again and again and moving bravely forward no matter what those mean voices might tell us.
Thank you so much for sharing, Patricia.
Winnie H
Posted at 02:31h, 27 OctoberWell done for finally drawing the line in the sand. That in itself takes a lot of courage! Looking forward to your visit to Australia, and please bring some of those chocolate chip cookies with you!!!!! LOL
heidi
Posted at 02:51h, 27 OctoberI'm raising a cup of kindness to toast your bravery! and let me know if any of those famous chocolate chip cookies make it to Boston…I'll put the kettle on…
Sandy
Posted at 11:49h, 27 Octoberwonderful words Pat! I beieve you would definately make a good photographer catching kids greatest moments. Here's to you 🙂
marina
Posted at 12:14h, 27 Octoberso brave of you to draw the line in the sand!!! your words are so important for me, I see myself as a "work in progress of trying to accept that I Am Enough" too! thank you for your courage and for sharing. and lots, lots of wishes to keep walking on your "I Am Enough"-ness path!
Jen Lee
Posted at 19:25h, 27 OctoberThere's nothing more powerful than breaking our silence. Kudos to you for stepping out of the shadows.
jen gray
Posted at 02:28h, 28 Octoberbeautiful patricia… i adore you and treasure you like a sister. thank you for sharing this,.xo
meghan
Posted at 11:56h, 28 OctoberTrish*
yes, to the whole of this, the whole of you!
yes, to this walking through the turnstile and into the stadium of these goodwill games ~ a place where you are on the field + the recipient of great, great kindness.
i bow to you.
i am cheering for you!
love, love, love {and so looking forward to seeing you saturday evening},
meghan
Kerilyn
Posted at 19:24h, 28 OctoberWow… I don't think I've ever heard it spoken so raw… so real before. (It's like you took the words right out of my head!) Thank you for thinking yourself enough to share this with us. Even through your unsure footing… I can feel your inner strength. Burrowing to the surface.. wanting to be let out. I feel that when it pierces the surface… all who surround you will gaze in amazement at your courage and shimmering grace. You just took one huge step *congrats*. I can say this with certainty… whether we write a blog.. share a picture/journal/creativity (or not) we are all attempting to reach the surface along with you… because that's where the beautiful sunshine is.. where the flowers are.. the gentle breezes…ultimately our Divine Freedom. Onward Fellow Seeker. I honor your spill as if it was 24 carat gold.
Meg Casey
Posted at 13:21h, 29 OctoberTrish-You are a powerful woman. I am so proud of you that you are letting your power shine. It is time. It is definitely time.
Lindsey
Posted at 12:51h, 31 OctoberI love reading your words here, Patricia! And what a beautiful photograph. I can tell you categorically someone who would read your words, eagerly, fanatically, passionately: me.
xo
rachel awes
Posted at 18:19h, 31 Octoberfound i am enough through artful blogging.
love your message & beauty.
in kindness always…
Elloa
Posted at 20:07h, 31 OctoberPatricia… I would definitely read your blog. Just wanted you to know that. The part of me that chooses to write even when I believe I'm worthless and voiceless bows to the part of you that chose to write and publish this post in spite of your head's best attempts to swerve it.
That you are enough is so obvious to me from one simple piece of writing, and one incredibly beautiful photograph… now I've just got to reconcile my own Enoughness!
Thank you, from all the places in my heart.
Love,
Ellloa
Elloa
Posted at 20:07h, 31 OctoberPatricia… I would definitely read your blog. Just wanted you to know that. The part of me that chooses to write even when I believe I'm worthless and voiceless bows to the part of you that chose to write and publish this post in spite of your head's best attempts to swerve it.
That you are enough is so obvious to me from one simple piece of writing, and one incredibly beautiful photograph… now I've just got to reconcile my own Enoughness!
Thank you, from all the places in my heart.
Love,
Ellloa
Miriam
Posted at 07:24h, 01 NovemberWell I would certainly read your blog. I like what you write.
Miriam
Miriam
Posted at 07:24h, 01 NovemberWell I would certainly read your blog. I like what you write.
Miriam
Marie
Posted at 20:38h, 03 NovemberAs one of the blessest receipents to whom this extradorary writer is a cheer leader for… I was honored and moved to read your above testimony. Thank you Tracey for nugging my dear friend. She is an amazing writer, a wonderful soul with a captivating spirit. It was beautiful to see that come alive through in her eloquent insights.
As for you Miss Trish, Anytime you want to go to Australia… I'm right there with you (and you know I mean that)… just be sure to bring those cookies!
rebecca @ altared spaces
Posted at 23:22h, 02 April" The easy thing is to stay in neutral, to hide in the shadows and minimize your self-worth. The brave thing is to share these thoughts out loud, outlast the inner critic and outlaw the self-imposed exile of mediocrity." I love this line.
Can I tell you how long I've hidden in the shadows and minimized my truth? In so doing, my self-worth. My truth may not matter to anyone else, but it matters to me. And for some reason, it matters to me to have a blog. Is it because I want throngs of folks to visit? Maybe in the beginning. But as I begin to tell my truth aloud, the desire for the masses to amass lessens. What I find is that I am thrilled by the way a page looks. I am listening as I speak. It's a framework for me to talk aloud and find the images that haunt (in a good way) my soul. That haunting is the way I"m discovering my enough-ness.
I'm so glad you now have a blog. I'm also glad you wrote this, because it speaks to that part of me that wants to hide.