19 Apr weary legs walk on
I have finally found a place where I’m centered and balanced, poised under pressure, and positive beyond measure. A way to begin each morning with a healthy perspective, and a means to hold both calm control and serene surrender throughout my daily comings and goings. It feels like heaven on earth.
So what can I say today, as I stand here – blink blink – having witnessed that place slip through my fingers?
Before spring break I was feeling pretty relaxed perched on the high wire, taking slow and deliberate steps to stay balanced with fairly little effort. But the wire got wobbly pretty fast when I no longer had my days to myself and I had to squeeze in my normal work day into 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there. My concentration broken every other minute, my calming routine forgotten, I fell hard off the wire.
All weekend I sat in the discomfort of where I’m at right now; trying desperately to get back up and balanced. It’s taken me a long while to find and utilize the tools to get me to that place of my own personal nirvana, so it’s no surprise I guess that it might take a little extra time and a lot of patience and self-kindness to find it again as old patterns, habits, thoughts lead me astray.
Alas, exhausted, weary, discouraged, I know the a place where “feel good” exists. It’s the place I want to be. The bad news, I’m not there this morning. The good news, I know that all it takes is to get there again is to keep walking. I will find it soon enough.
Where have you been (physically, emotionally or both)? Got a Best Shot to tell the story?
SusiejPosted at 15:50h, 19 April
Tracey… I read the first few words, and I was immediately drawn in. How did this happen, I wondered? And the photo gives me the impression that this new groove is here to stay — it has a permanence to the feel of the photo. But then, alas, I read that your story is so much like mine, with that middle part that gets unraveled. It seems that we spend more time trying to get balanced, than actually being balanced. Share your tools with us!
TracyPosted at 16:43h, 19 April
Adjustment and the gain that can come from what appears to be loss, even in the loss of balance… I KNOW it to be an opportunity for gaining new insights and strides, but it can’t quiet the frustration of it’s absence quickly enough for me! We are the fast-food mentalitied people, trained up in all that is instant. I really do believe what I wrote in MY BEST SHOT MONDAY post…there can be good in the wait, and gain in what appears to be loss. I just don’t always like it in the moment! I am thankful for the kindredness of understanding hearts. Thank you, Tracey, for sharing yours.
Melissa GPosted at 17:44h, 19 April
Hang in there! You’ll find your way back.
We went exploring this weekend.
WhitneyPosted at 18:00h, 19 April
So well written…well said. Anyone would identify with where you have been, where you are now. I certainly do. As I sit here and think about the times when I feel most unbalanced – MOST of those times, I have too high of expectations for what I should be doing. When we met at Portfolio a month ago – you said something that stuck with me – you said something about "doing what feels right…and then I’ll know what I should do" – and I’ve hung on to that since. Thank you.
Amy JoPosted at 18:30h, 19 April
We’ve been hanging out in stress-ville lately. We’ve had our house on the market, and we finally just got an offer. The inspection is tomorrow, and then we’re in the clear. Hang in there. As my therapist used to tell me, ‘This, too, shall pass.’
These hyacinths amaze me every year. I can’t wait to plant a ton of them at our new house!
soraya nulliahPosted at 18:41h, 19 April
Tracey-I love this pic and the post you wrote with it! I can totally relate. At times of great growth, it can be so easy to feel overwhelmed and ..blah. But as long as we know (or are willing to find) a path to our center, our quiet place…we will become more empowered, creative, wiser and be able to honor all parts of our journey (even the not so pretty parts). This is my BSM
taraPosted at 19:57h, 19 April
ah yes. i know my feel-good place too but i haven’t quite made it the rule. it exists mostly as the exception still.
i’d like to reverse that. i did have a fleeting moment of the exception(al) this weekend. and it felt good.
here’s hoping you regain your nirvana soon.
CaraPosted at 20:09h, 19 April
As always your words and pictures inspire me. I have been really enjoying the Picture Spring class and it is helping me to experience new things.
I Miei Due Bambini
cindyPosted at 20:42h, 19 April
i hope a few more blinks will bring that place right back to you. after seeing the movie ‘a serious man’ last year, i realized life is always in motion. we try to get all of our ducks in a row and just when we think we have – pouf or blink – they’re back in gridlock! intellectually i understand the reality of being in a constant state flux – that is life. but, i find emotions (lack of control) to be an entirely different story ;).
Blue Moon MamaPosted at 21:21h, 19 April
I hope you find your feel good place again soon! Beautiful post. Right now I’m in a feel good groove myself and two photos I took yesterday captured my feelings perfectly.. You can find my post for Best Shot Monday here http://bluemoonmama.com
Shannon ClattenburgPosted at 21:43h, 19 April
Thank you so very much for posting this…. it tugged at my heart strings right away.
I feel you girl, when you say that feeling just slips through your fingers. I used to own that feeling of balance. It took time, and effort mind you, but it felt good.
And then, it seems like over night, all the effort and work that you did to get to the lovely place – just disappears!
Then you seem to be right back where you started from, all wibbly wobbly all over the place.
I wish you all the best of luck in getting back to your own personal nirvana, and know that someone else is right there in that spot with you (trying to get back)!
At least we’ve already tasted it – and know its there!
LisPosted at 01:25h, 20 April
oh, i so know where you are! i am more aware of the cycles i move through and even knowing that, it still is hard to work one’s way back to a place of balance … at least, for awhile.
i had been up and down for the past couple of weeks, really excited about projects and then feeling bogged down and uninspired … or maybe uninspiring? thankfully, an impromptu outing to the botanical garden lifted my spirit and gave me time to practice some of the ideas from Project Spring. Here is my Perfect Day – a visual record to remind me when I am having those not so perfect days!
MarciePosted at 11:40h, 21 April
This feeling of coming undone..of getting lost..of being in a place where it is impossible to find one’s footing and balance is an oh-so-familiar one to me. You may have already read this..but I wrote much about it here:
diane hermanPosted at 00:53h, 22 April
"We are the fast-food mentalitied people, trained up in all that is instant."…so very very true Tracey!!!
I too am in search of "that-place"! I am trying to take the steps to get myself back there. I have made a start. I am recording my journey on my blog. No profound words …just a record of what I doing to find some inner peace and happiness 🙂
NTEPosted at 15:31h, 22 April
Tracey, I could not relate more to this post if I had written it myself. I knew I was in trouble when I was too tired to pick up my camera, even with all four of my favorite subjects (my niece and nephews) in the same space. At one point, I said to the baby "Stop being so cute: Auntie is too tired to go get her camera, and I’m going to be mad that I don’t have a picture of this." (Not that he listened.) Today is the first day in over a week that I have had any quiet or air or space or anything of my own… and it was nice to see that, although I am overwhelmed, I’m not alone.
LisaPosted at 18:48h, 22 April
YES. Exactly where I am. It amazes me how little it takes…how those little things thrown into an otherwise free-flowing day disrupt the balance and create this whirlpool of ickiness. Ah, to swim out again – to take those feet and start walking – sometimes it seems more comfortable to just swirl around and around. But blah, who wants to live like that?
Thank you for the reminder that others too may be stuck in their pools but that we are all capable of refinding the beautiful flow. I take a deep breath and hope to move back into mine soon.